the new normal

day one was july 6, 2012. i had a stabbing pain in my right side that reminded me of a gas pain (even tho i usually have those on the left side) so i ignored it. its not unusual for those to last a couple hours, and after enough farting, and pushing on my belly to move the gas bubble on thru, the pain goes away. but this pain stayed on thru the night, alternating between a dull ache that stayed just under my "cant ignore it" pain threshold, to ramping up to a stabbing pain that woke me up a couple of times during the night. it was still there the next day, all thru work. i decided it might not be gonna go away so easily, so i mentioned it to my husband. "just keep an eye on it," he said. "it might be appendicitis."


then we went to the grocery store. my husband and i wandered about the store, picking out the fruits and veggies, meats and canned goods that my meager part-time-job paycheck would let us afford. the pain hadnt changed, and it was accompanied by the heavy feeling in the bottom of my stomach that had been going on for a few months. i had attributed that feeling to standing on my feet all day on a hard tile floor. we were not quite halfway thru our shopping when i needed to go to the restroom, where i got the first of many unwelcome shocks. im over 15 years past menopause, so the sight of blood on the toilet paper made my blood run cold. i checked to make sure the blood was coming from my vagina, and not one of the other two possible places and i decided that my vagina was, indeed the source of the blood. at that point, it was nothing more than spotting, so i told my husband of the new development, then went and found a pkg of minipads. since it was saturday, i couldnt call my dr til monday.


i got right in monday evening. (thank goodness for dr offices that are open til 8pm) my dr did a pap test, felt around on my stomach, and felt up my boobies for me as well. he told me i had an "enlarged uterus", and referred me to get ultrasounds, which i got a couple days later. the first ultrasounds (regular and transvaginal) showed something they called an "adnexal mass", and i was referred to a gynecologist.
during the consultation with the gynecologist, he told us that the ultrasound showed a "very large" mass about the size of a small orange on my right ovary. he outlined possible scenarios, with possible treatments, all beginning with surgery to remove the thing. then, he decided to see for himself by doing his own ultrasound. before we left, he talked to us again, and mentioned the possibility of cancer, and what kind of scenario that would entail. then he had his nurse draw some blood from me for testing, then we left. the blood test showed an elevation of whatever chemical they were looking for that indicated cancer, so he sent me for a ct scan. i was at work when he called me on my cell to tell me what the scan showed. definite cancer, not only on my right ovary, but in my appendix as well. "im referring you to a gynecological oncologist," he said. "the ovary and the appendix, and possibly a bit of colon, will need to be removed."

this is a test. nothing but a test. a big test. a big, fat, test. watch out for this test. test, coming right atcha.